how much he means.

i woke up this morning with a missed call from him. 1:25 am. & i had beat myself up because i had just fallen asleep not too long before that. i needed his voice in my ear again desperately. i fell back asleep disappointed.

just yesterday i sat down and thought about ever losing him. heartless is what i'd be. & in more than just Kanye's perspective. more than just acting harshly towards ever trying to find love again, but more-so accepting that my heart had been stolen forever. of course thats extremely hypothetical. 

today in class. 7th period. chemistry. my friend asked our teacher, who was sitting at our lab table at the time, how her and her boyfriend were doing and she replied "great" ;). my friend then asked her what was her longest relationship and my teacher replied "5 years". surprisingly, we found out that she had started dating this one guy in her sophomore year of high school and had been with him for 5 years. however, he cheated on her and she forgave him! and they continued to date, when suddenly she broke up with him. why? because she liked someone else. i suddenly turned and looked at one of my other friends who was also in on the conversation, "omg, tom, i don't want that to happen. like, she was w/ that guy for that long and then poof. she didn't plan that. imean, i dont want to lose ronny that way, if any way at all!. but do you know what i mean? i'd be heart-broken knowing i dedicated that much time into us you know. that boy means so much to me. i'd loose my mind i think. seriously." .

tom starred in my eyes, studying me in awe. and simply said, "oh my god cierra, you're really in love". not jokingly, laughing or anything but just said it.

i thought about it not that much at first of course until realization really hit me. i am. in love that is. my love for him grows stronger every moment God decides to allow me to take my next breath. and i cringe at even thinking about losing Ron at any moment in my life. our disagreements only make us stronger, and i only react to them to see how he handles my emotions. sometimes as much as i know he may hate to, he handles them like a hero. he has not yet realize how much i care for him. how much he means. i wish everyday i could look beyond his eyes and see what's beyond them. his touch is sensually the most easing and humble feeling i've ever felt. his mind, intelligent, knowledgeable and intellectually inclined to all that is offered to it and is admired and extremely adored by me.

to be his companion and try my best to be not beyond or behind but directly beside him in everything that he strives to do is what i strive to be. for this young man is my dream and my gift, my precious angel sent from heaven. i love him forever and we are each others until it is destined no more.